i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
