I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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