How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
