We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
