4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
