omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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