thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
