I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mom said you looked used
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
