STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No subtext here. People are naked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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