I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
