How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
