I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
