So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
