I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
