is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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