drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
