I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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