I look better un-naked...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
