I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
