I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
