Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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