rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
