Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
