I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
please come you make the beer taste better
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
