nut hugger
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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