i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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