please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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