hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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