party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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