All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
