remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
operation have a gay friend backfired
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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