Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
