Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
