she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
