I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
