my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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