Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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