so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
