she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
