I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
