the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
