i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
