Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
