The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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