I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
