Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
