I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The beer is more important than you right now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
