New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
