Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
