I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
