I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
